Crisis intentions

“A furious thunderstorm came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, ‘Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?’ He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, Quiet! Be still! Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.” Luke 4:37-39

I can’t believe two weeks have gone by since our city declared state of emergency in the face of this global health crisis. I felt uncertain, scared, protective and mentally exhausted within a matter of hours. It has been overwhelming to feel isolated with  lack of in person humanity but the creativity that our technology is providing for community is uplifting. I have good days and not so good ones through this time just like everyone else. So here are a few things I have been doing for all of my days so far:

• Find comfort in stillness through prayer and meditation.
• Think and feel globally, working together to provide safety for all humankind.
• Be mindful of the news I allow into my space- I enjoy The daily social distancing show with Trevor Noah.
• Dedicate a space (literal or figurative) to keep creating, continue to build into your skills and passions through this time.
•  Listen to music, podcast, books etc. that provide distraction and support.

 

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Year 2020

It’s been seventeen years since our family landed in Vancouver on Christmas day and a few days later we experienced snow for the first time in Alberta. The first few weeks were exciting in the snow, we were playing, admiring and relishing in this new experience. It wasn’t long before I dreaded stepping out of the warmth of our home, to put on my layers of clothing from the thrift store and impatiently wait outside the main doors of the school before they let us in.

Changing seasons are inevitable but our interactions with them need persistence. People, places and experiences are a big part of our stories. It can be hard to find our identities when the big parts are stripped away. It is here that I found who, what, why and how I stand alone.

Once in a while, there are memories so vivid that I need to write them down and reflect. Thinking of all the ways those experiences knocked me down yet I was able to get back up with even more mightiness. These experiences helped me better understand that we are all people trying to get back up one step at a time.

That last day

Today is the last day that I let her insecurity speak into my life. Today is the last day that I let their prejudice of a colored woman speak into my life. Today is the last day I let my doubts speak into my life.

I celebrated saying goodbye to a bully today and also grieved allowing myself to be shaken by someone who knew nothing of my extraordinary story. I have been hit with so many unkind individuals and their mean-spirited words lately, that there are days I can’t find my superpowers. I have had to repeat my superpowers aloud more often than ever this year. They are my resilience through an abusive marriage, the courage to ask for help at age 11 at a boarding school away from my tribe, passionately created my coaching practice when they fired me, to always dream brighter lives for all who are my community and to take any barrier as a learning opportunity to better conquer the next day.

Make today your day to dream even bigger, speak even louder your beautiful story and create an action plan for your next step that lifts everyone around you as well.

Home

As I beamed back at all the smiling faces, left my office for the holidays with a little extra hop in my steps and gazed up at the twinkling Christmas lights everywhere; I was transported back to my favorite memories during this time of the year.

I can remember it so vividly, the ever so gentle chill in the air and everyone in sweaters and scarves. The big paper star that Dada would put up on the terrace of the house with a single bulb in it but it shined so bright! Dadi would make namkeen, while Dada hummed along baking his delightful pink icing cake and golden brown doughnuts. On the other side of the village Nana was reading his Bible, while Nani prepared her flavorful chicken roast and rotis for the family. Before we knew it, it was Christmas Eve and I could see the flashlights getting brighter, I could hear the dholak and harmonizing voices in the distance getting louder by the minute as they rejoiced in singing of the coming of our Liberator. My grandparents house would be the last stop in the village. All the carolers would have chai and snacks before we all made our way to the church.

In our Mennonite church, all the  women sat on the left , the men on the right while we all sang in unity all the Hindi Christmas hymns and carols. Then the kids performed Jesus’s birth story and I couldn’t wait to play the role of the angel who led the wise-men to the emancipator baby boy. It was the one night, adults and kids stayed past their bedtime, celebrating our truth and each other. After a couple hours at the church everyone in the village went to their houses for a short sleep, only to wake up to a joyous Christmas morning. My sister and I couldn’t wait to put on our new dresses and see all of our cousins, Mamus and Mamis beautiful outfits at church. Christmas morning and afternoon was spent in more celebration and then a communal lunch right after. I could barely pay attention to all the teachings by the pastor, preoccupied by the aromas of tomato chutney, jeera rice and chicken curry that filled the church. This memory when I was surrounded by my family, and friends feels like “home”.

Then there is the memory of a tropical Christmas Eve when my parents, sister and I devoured ginger chicken with coconut milk covered mango sticky rice for dessert.  And of-course we took an extra order of ginger chicken back to the house for Pepsi to enjoy. The warm breeze with smells of fried beetles and mangosteen, while the sounds of car and motorcycle horns felt like “home” as well.

I am a Woman of Color living (working) among a majority of Caucasians and  I hear this question at every turn, “Where are you from?” I take a deep breath, while fighting the frustration of why can’t they see that I belong here and now. Uncontrollably my mind races, my heart sinks and my soul longs to answer: Where, Who, What and How can I, a third culture individual find, create and define my home? And yours; Is it a place, person, state of mind, or just a temporary feeling? “I believe my story and yours is so much more than where we were born.”